i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
