my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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