alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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