I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
