My brain says no but my pants say off.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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