Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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