i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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