So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Come share oat with me in your robe
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
