hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
