A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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