your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
