Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
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Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
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I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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