I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
