you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
