Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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