If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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