More tranny stories later!
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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