And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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