So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
