i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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