HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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