I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
