Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
