Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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