we made out on top of his cat.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
