I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
