On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
