FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
