Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
