He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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