I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I touched a dick in church today
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
