Fine. I'll sleep in my office
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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