I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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