oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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