Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
