Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
