operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it glows. i had to have it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Holy shit dude........stairs
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
