People with herpes should wear stickers.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize