I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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