it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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