We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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