You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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