He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
