i just had sex bonerless
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
