he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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