I'm going to rape someone's good day.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
