I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
zippers are such a cool invention
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
