You made me cry and you don't even care
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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