You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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