Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
