well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
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