I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
