You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
