Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
