Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
