i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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