hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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