"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
