maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
