we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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