his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
