Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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