So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
