i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
