just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
