He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
