okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
