i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
