Can i not drive my cunt home
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
