smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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